You Got Hate Mail
by Animerulzs1267
Summary: Alfred F. Jones never exactly figured out that his once great hero during his childhood would be such a pussy. But what he never knew was that he had the balls to send a hate mail to nearly every single nation about what he hated about them. Now Arthur Kirkland was in much trouble. Worst of all, he happened to be in Alfred's house under hiding.
1. Chapter 1

**I was inspired by how we would make hate mails about all the people we dislike and then maybe 'accidentally' post them! I never done it but I rather not since I could get into too much detail, lol. **

**So please enjoy this one-shot of USUK called...**

_You Got Hate Mail_

Alfred F. Jones never exactly figured out that his once great hero during his childhood would be such a pussy. But what he never knew was that he had the balls to send a hate mail to nearly _every single nation_ about what he hated about them. Surely you'd think that he could get away with it by somehow using his magical powers, but even that wouldn't help because Arthur put _them _in it, too. By that, it meant that the Court of British Magic was on his arse.

Now Arthur Kirkland was in much trouble.

Worst of all, he happened to be in his house under hiding.

Alfred was on his computer again for the third time, trying his best to hide the laughter of what Arthur wrote about everybody. First it was Francis, of course, who he wrote...

_Francis is such a attention whore. He would just about sleep with anyone who he considers 'beautiful' and leaves them the next day! I have pity for those who've been entranced (_Lord knows how_) by this git and should check if he has a disease known as BLOODY BRAINLESS SYNDROME! Also, that smell of his, it's just bloody _revolting_ as hell and who knows how many whales or whatever they put in those perfumes are because I noticed one time he seemed to be getting chubby, much to my amusement! If he somehow gained weight, that could be my new strategy to annoy him by his weight!_

If Alfred had enough time, he would be reading the essay-like paragraph for Francis but he was too busy scrolling down the email he sent to everyone (mistakenly, Alfred remembered Arthur cried about as he hugged him nearly to death) and went to...Romano, oh god. This wasn't going to be pretty at all...

_...As for Romano, why the hell is he a nation? Feliciano's the nation of Italy but he's the bottom part, does this mean he happens to be bottom during sex? I heard Japan called them 'uke' and I hope I wrote it right, but it's not like this will ever be published for the world to see-_

Alfred took his gaze off the screen and looked over to the beige wall, wondering if this was meant to happen like some random plot twist a writer would make...

He returned to the page which read...

_...Romano always calls me Tea bastard, but this time he called me Scone bastard! He keeps giving me different phrases about me and I cannot understand it, but I don't mind, secretly. Does this mean I fancy him? Or maybe_ he _fancies _me? _I __don't know, but he always spends time with that bloody git Antonio and I don't get to spend time with Romano to figure out if he fancies me! He doesn't want to spend time with me, however... I feel he doesn't like me in that certain way... But I'm not a desperate and I prefer someone else, anyway. But if he's interested...I might consider. _

Alfred wondered, _Is this going to be a new pairing called RomaBrit or something? _

Alfred couldn't finish reading the paragraph because his stomach was twisting in knots of sheer laughter! Arthur thought Romano might be interested in him? How hilarious was learning that piece of knowledge? Alfred wondered dubiously if Arthur wrote anything about any ladies, and as he scrolled down the screen to find anything. To his surprise, he found one paragraph of Natalya...

This wasn't going to be a nice read...

_That Natalia is the most strangest woman I have ever met in my entire life-_

Alfred noticed in the first sentence that he made a mistake on writing Natalya's name. But then he noticed the paragraph had the name 'Natalia' instead of 'Natalya'.

_That Natalia is the strangest woman I have ever met in my entire life! I don't mean to be impolite towards a woman, but she is bloody _weird! _She stalks her brother everyday, steals nearly all of his poccesions like his steel pipe and even_ HIS DIRTY UNDEARWEAR! _If that wasn't enough, I know something by accident that she would come over to her brother's home at nighttime and, strangely, would try to take him in a large sack and take him to her household! The reason I saw that was because I went out in the middle of the night to grab some folders I forgotten two weeks back. Odd stuff, that was, and I'll never forget that..._

This was too much for Alfred to figure out three things he thought during his readings...

1. Why did Arthur follow that psycho Belarusian in the first place?

2. Where did these rumors come from?

That made Alfred thought, _Maybe Lithuania might pinch in about these rumors. There's no way that Natalya could steal Ivan's steel pipe!_

3. WHY THE HELL DID ARTHUR SEND THIS TO EVERYONE HE KNEW?

This time Alfred didn't care about Arthur claiming he 'accidentally' sent this to everyone he knew. For a nation, he suspiciously had everyone's contacts to send them out which made it more suspicious. That could be one of the other questions Alfred was going to ask, but right before he could think about going, or rather charging, up the stairs, he heard a bell ring.

Unbeknownst to him, those rapid bells he was hearing from outside was the world waiting to kick some British ass...

_The End_

* * *

**Natalya: I must kill this idiot, how dare he spy on me like this?**

**Antonio: DO YOU LOVE THAT MONSTRUO MORE THAN ME, ROMANO?**

**Romano: SHUT THE HELL UP, TOMATO BASTARD! I don't love him, I only call him other names because he's a HUGE BASTARD!**

**Me: Are you sure? Because from what I read, it seemed that you were interested in him...**

**Hope you guys like this rather short story, if you want more on what else Artie wrote or if you wanna know what happens next, give a review if you can! Thanks so much~!**


	2. Omake

**I finally wrote an omake because it was highly loved by you wonderful readers who took the time to read my one-shots, and I feel really grateful that you did so! I hoped that this will be loved like the first chapter, and maybe I can show you what Britain wrote on his email that he accidentally sent to everyone. Oh, irony is such a lovely thing that can happen!**

**Please enjoy this omake for you called...**

_You Got Hate Mail (Omake)_

* * *

"You bloody git," hissed the Briton, clutching fully on Alfred's pillow like a middle-school girl. "I'm not crying, I'm just..."

Alfred could only watch as this once great nation from his childhood was acting like a school girl being crushed because her crush dumped her confession. Obviously Arthur wasn't going to get positive outcries of his hate mail. He was gonna get the complete _opposite._

Alfred scratched his back head stressfully.

"Why did you sent it out to everyone in the first place?"

Arthur pulled the pillow off his face and stared at disbelief.

"You think I _purposely _sent that email?" Arthur asked. "I merely wanted to replenish myself by angrily typing my expressions to every nation in the world. But that brat Sealand was pulling some trick on my computer-"

"You have a _computer?_" asked Alfred, baffled that an old man even _had _one.

"-and when I looked at my scree, it said 'you have successfully sent your email to ALL NATIONS' and you could obviously tell what happened next-"

"I discover that you own an actual _iPad?" _Alfred joked cheekily.

"-they start coming at my door like baboons and literally tried to _kill me!_ You have no idea how traumatizing it was when I saw my brothers marching at me with their pets and out of nowhere try to murder me!"

This time Alfred made no snarky remark, he only walked over to Arthur's beside and sat next to him. Alfred kept the laptop close under his arm and decided it was best to open it to show Arthur all the harsh words he wrote. Arthur's first reaction was a dreadful groan at the sight of the email and gave a dead-like expression at Alfred.

"Why, Alfred?"

"I wanna show you all the harsh crap you wrote about all of us, even if they were rude to you first! It doesn't make it right to do something like this. And I'm going to show you this, like an adult."

Arthur's left eye twitched unpleasantly, "I should be saying that, idiot."

"Yeah, but you're not awesome as me!"

And with that, Alfred scrolled down to the email and picked the first paragraph staring...Prussia.

"I can't believe you took the effort to write three paragraphs for Gilbert," Alfred said.

"I still haven't forgiven him for that war we had hundreds of years ago. And did you know that Gilbert once _insulted my scones? _The nerve of him!" huffed Arthur angrily.

Alfred and Arthur viewed the screen together and read the menacing paragraph...

_I swear, that Prussian nitwit is the _worst _nation in the entire planet! Hell, he is the worst in my centuries of knowledge! He constalntly wants to fight a battle that cannot always be won and yet he just_ loves _to go and fight stupid and time-wasting battles. Also, he and Austria have an odd relationship as though they were a couple: they fight all the time, Prussia will complain to himself about that he doesn't care that Austria is with Hungary and oddly, I see him and Austria hang at pubs _privately! _I thought they were on some dare but when I observed them quietly I noticed that he and Austria getting awfully touchy with one another. Then I saw something unforgettable: I saw them _making out! _Just straight up making out, and nobody in the pub seemed to care how drunk they were or that they ran out the pub like a newly wed couple..._

Alfred looked over at Arthur, shocked. "You saw Gil and him..."

"I only speak the truth, git!"

Reading Gilbert's hate paragraph was done, now Alfred began to randomly scroll down the page and stopped at Norway...

"I thought you and Norway were great friends?"

"Until I tried to create this new techniquie when he suddenly said he made that spell and I felt so embarrassed!"

"Lukas must've tried to be nice..."

"Oh, sure he was, Alfred!"

Alfred and Arthur read the paragraph and this time Alfred realized it was just a paragraph but seemed less angst than the others.

_I don't hate Norway at all, I think he is a wonderful person with magnificent talents of magic and wizardry. But saw him five days ago with a new spell that I made, I thought that maybe I could present it to Norway before anyone else. Then, I showed him and guess what he just said to me? "Arthur, I made that spell years ago. I didn't know you were practicing that." And he just left without any expression! What the bloody hell have I been doing for the past six weeks to learn how to make winter turn to early summer?_

Alfred was _pfft-_ing a laughter, Arthur was stiffiling a tear that trailed down his right eye.

"You were trying to learn that new spell for _six weeks?_"

"I was doing a very good job, Alfred!"

Alfred just busted laughing uncontrollably with this idea of him practicing an already created by Lukas. Arthur was shouting cursing British words that were suppose to be insulting but instead made Alfred laugh even more.

"Haha, I can't believe it, you just try to make seasons change when they _already do! _The whole point of doing it is waiting, Artie!"

"Just shut up and leave me alone!" cried Arthur and he collapsed all over the bed and hugged the pillow again.

Then, the doorbell rang with a loud ring. Alfred wasn't going to go down and open it, but then the bell started repeating itself over and over until Alfred ceased his uncontrolled laughing. He put the laptop on top of the bed, got up aggressively and started making his way down the stairs. Unbeknownst to him, an angry mob of nations were at his doorstep with weaponry and footballs.

_The End_

* * *

**Well, everyone's obviously pissed like hell. And Prussia, I had no idea you were so romantic as to take your crush out for drinks and make out so openly like that! That takes balls!**

**Prussia: I-I had no idea what that unawesome British guy meant, honest!**

**Austria: *blushes a little* Neither do I. **

**I hope you enjoyed this omake, please leave a review if you can and share with your friends! See you next time!**


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